乱了

Okay, just let me calm myself to continue Blogging,

i've been write and undo, repeating few times, as my brain cannot concentrate to think anymore

the feeling held by now, is totally suck feeling

thinking back in few hours, i was feeling great to enjoy with my friend in full house for celebration,

but why, now i feeling so sick

step into my house, the sick feeling grow slowly,

there is an empty house, with no one to talk to

i guess, i been lone for a long time

it's the time now

for me to change my lifestyle

i deadly need a company, a She to be with me

那么远，这么近

have You ever know this meaning?

when you think she is far away, but actually she is only around with you,

but You just cant notice her, only when she left you

you found her importance to you

那么近，那么远

yet, she is around with you but the feeling of both is not connected

this is what i meant now,

she is so near to me, but the feeling of us like so strange

nobody willing to step in, come forward

both scare to be a loser

may be,

the win win situation is remain silent,

remain the current relationship

not to change, not change anything

just remain, untouchable

but i know, is too hard to me to do that

i am struggling, try some methods to come closer

"the heart get closer and closer"

will it does work?

i just don't wanna ruined the relationship that i built up, for a moment already

the sad case, i hope will not repeated this time

i asked her, can you trusted me?

i am implied to her, will you giving time to me,

let me understand you more,

and you understand me more,

do you really get this meaning?

trust me, I'm not a good man

忽冷，忽热

我接受不了

乱的心乱了

我不想想了

我不想输了

其实，我一开始就输了

我败给了自己，败给了乱

喜欢童话，

因为只有在童话里，

我们可以听到圆满的结局

乱，乱了

opts happiness, opts sorrow

SS, i know u will read this,
so i rather to write it here instead of telling you all the things

还记得这首歌吗？
快乐是自找的，不是你给我的

就像这首歌，
我们选择快乐，不快乐
不是他可以给我的，
而是我自己要的，
既然选择不快乐，
就无需要掩饰着悲伤，
即使选择快乐，
就尽情的去享受开心的每一秒

记忆不可以消除，
但却可以淡忘掉，
只是时间的关系，
开心，不开心，
自己去决定吧，
无需向其他人去说明，
希望，你对自己可以坦白
清楚知道，明白你要些什么

做朋友的，不用多说
就永远的站在你身旁
你要我静静的听，
我就静静的聆听，
你要我给意见，
我就给最好的意见，
你要我弄你开心，
我就会讲最冷，最好笑的笑话

we are just ordinary person,
but still, we can opt for the happiness, we can opt for the sorrow
we decide it
never ever let him to decide Your happiness or sorrow
be clear what You want now

if let say Ruan has a purpose of writing this blog to SS,
or if there is a purpose of caring SS,
i guess, the only reason to clarify is because i care you as my friend
nothing much, as i not really like to see the friends' sad faces
i opt to be happy, what is your choice?
so what your choices?
would You like to opt to be happiness? or ops to be sorrow?

i'd officially missing you

i'd officially missing you

today, an extreme sickening tired day to me yet i'd not decided to go my bed

as i wanna tell You "I missing You"

a simple 3 words but carry a special meaning

how to say that,

after a 7 hour queue up to buy the concert ticket,

is quite torturing me while waiting the ticket,

i back to home around 12am and i turn on my msn and facebook, as usual

i found that You not in the list, missing in the air

thinking today Saturday night, most probably You will hanging out with friends

i could really understand that you will not 24 hour standby here

in a sudden, a weird feeling strike throughly into my heart

i call it as loneliness

this feeling isn't good indeed

blogging is the best way to make myself feel more comfortable

nobody could see that, at least You will not see that

a mix feeling now which torture me

tired and missing feeling

wonder where you are, wonder how good you are, wonder do you have the same feeling

wonder what you doing, wonder everything about you

"may be it's true, that i can't live without you

may be two is better than one"

listening this song and craving your cares

Ruan, need you now

tell me, you'd officially missing Ruan too

什么是 Project dissertation - Thesis

Thesis - 真的不明白是谁发明的
头痛，头痛， 还是头痛！
现在真的面临严重的delay啦，
你还真的不要Approve我的 Chapter 2？
真的很糟糕，你要求的，未免也太高了吧
你的门槛不容易跨过，
很佩服可以办到的人，可惜不是我
应该说，学生的时代，可以享受享受，
可是，真的为了THESIS很懊恼
上个星期，差一点和他吵起来了
可是， 我知道，如果关系变差了，
我一定不会好过的
道歉，是一定要的
都听你的，好吗？

我知道，不是我一个人面对着这些问题
没有必要，我真的不会去找我的朋友谈THESIS
因为，我知道，每个人都在烦着
可以帮的，我一定会去帮忙
很希望，有一个人可以在我很烦的时候，
还不离不弃，在我身边听我诉苦
就算真的帮不了我，至少就静静的，陪着我，好吗？

今天一直repeat着 EDC的 RUNNING

can't stop running running.. 

wont stop running running.. 

Nonstop running running..

 i'm just running running

遇到不开心的事，
真的可以就这样跑掉吗？
没有那么容易吧～
逃避，其实问题还在，
解决，其实一点都不容易
人有时候就是要面对一些那么复杂的事情
不过，这些都会过去的
希望还在嘛～
前面的，还在等着我们呢

直到你不找 - Ruan

Lam Fung's song,
Today, in the bus with her,
talking about the old time stories
her ex- almost 4 month after that incident
i can feel her growth, after gone through a tough time

there is a Chinese said, man can survives even now imma lone
ya, we can live without anyone,
even through he/she is not in our life
we still can live happily, without he/she
they only the passerby in our life, in and out, stay and leave
they left their footprint in our life, it doesn't care what they had left to us
but still, we should appreciate it, a life experience
turn to said that, our life is complete with the existence of the passerby
without them, we are not able to know, who is the one stay in my life
without the passerby, we not able to know,  You are only the right person
dare to said that, human never appreciate what they have now
until, the right person left us, we now realize how important you are in my life
do not deny that the passerby had left the happiness in your life
One always blame, will never realize that, how good you are in my life
once things changed, it will never turn to the originally,
same to a relationship,
once the relationship changed, it will not turn into the originally, no matter how hard You had tried
maybe think of this way, the relationship thing, the more we care to change, the worse relationship it will be
It, come with nature, a feeling, the excessive control only chase It away

i don't know what the fuck im'ma writing here,
maybe some kind of philosophy in life
just the thing come out of my mind and write it here right now
maybe i wanna stress that "One never appreciate You, just leave them"
当你越在乎一段感情，你会觉得你失去的越多
最后连自己都失去了，直到你找不到 - Ruan -
不要去否认，他们曾对我们的好
不要只想到你对她的好
不要抹杀他的一切
they might passerby, they might the right person in our life,
we will never know, so do appreciate them in case of, they are the right one

LoveTheWayYouLie part 2 now + 谣言

Eminem rock!
the best rapper ever in the UNIVERSAL
Love the way you rap
Love the lyrics in the song
Love your tattoo on the body
Love You, Love Your song

谣言，就是还是个谣言
不需要去在意，不用太多的解释
他们只想听到他们想听到的
先入为主吧～

但是，没有想到连你也来问我
开玩笑的方式来问我，
哈哈，那个post是给我的吗？
还是给他的？
我还blur一下
其实，我知道他要问什么
就假装不知道他在问什么
他好像不好意识的，就说没有啦
过了不久，你又“借点意” 来问我，
你和他不错hor?
没有啦..才刚刚认识不久
讲了一些 “有的没有的”
其实，有什么，可以直接的问我吧
最后我还告诉他，谣言吧谣言.. 不是真的
可能他得到了他想要知道的答案了
没多久就没有继续聊天了

很可笑，以前你都不在意，
现在却来问我？
已经没有意义了
我不知道你在想什么
可能，我也没有兴趣知道吧
就觉得，有什么真的可以直接的问我
不要用你的那套想法去判定我

谣言止于智者，可惜，你不是

我的任性，我的坏 - 我不是好人

今天的第三个主题 - 我不是好人- i am not a good man

今天特别有 feel  来写东西哦

可能看了一些朋友的 blog

感觉来了， 就写写看吧～

一面听着这首歌，一面写特别有感觉哦

之前有去侧田的演唱会，感觉很爽！

他唱的 LIVE 是真的很强

很喜欢她， 还记得喜欢他的第一首歌是 “情歌“ 第二首就是”KONG“

朋友都不知道为什么我那么迷他

可能他的歌真的唱到我的心声吧

很有感触，很有共鸣

相信，没有一首歌我是不会唱的

可惜，在KTV没有人陪我唱

不喜欢一个人唱歌的感觉

好像在霸占MIC着不让他们唱

好啦，进入主题吧

我不是好人 - 就写在我的MSN

可能是要提醒自己，我不是个好人

我做的不够好，掩饰得不够好

让你发现我对你的感觉

一切也发生的太快，太突然了

从 无所不谈， 到一字不谈

那个感觉真的很吓人

可能我们太好了吧

彼此都不想改变现状的关系

且偏偏发现爱上对方了

也许，真的找不到那么了解我的buddy了

如果，你的女朋友就是你的buddy，那有多好

可惜，这两个关系本来就是个别的

根本，就不能变成一个个体

我恨我自己当时，没有处理的很好

我恨我自己当时，没有那么成熟

我恨我自己当时，一直问你为什么

我恨我自己当时，突然说了那句话

我恨我自己当时，很多很多

“担心我待你好，未够好

热恋真面目迟来一步

经已力求完美

难像你要的好

我未够好，你别投诉

来日我试试 可否给你更好

平庸像我正在苦恼

当我不足给你找到 我怎么好

You Are So Beautiful"

她让我了解，知道

朋友太好了，最多只能当好朋友

LOVE is all about feeling,

no matter how hard you try,

no matter what had you done to her,

no matter anything ...

拳头紧紧的握着一堆沙

很努力的希望把沙握紧

希望它不要流失

但却发现手里的沙慢慢的流逝了

手放松了，才发现

我们拥有着那堆沙

手放开了，才发现你自己其实是拥有着一切

所有的事情都有两面的

拳头握紧不代表着你拥有一切

手放开了也不代表你失去一切

人生的大道理很多很多很多

Human being is not perfect, we learn from the mistake

learn from the past experience,

we can't avoid mistake,

but we can do it much better from the past experience

No one is perfect except GOD

我，还相信，还有那个人，喜欢我的任性，我的坏，接受我不是好人

Surprising morning

a very surprising morning today

it's being a normal day before i open my facebook today

as usual, once i wake up, i will check on my facebook

click on the notification <there are 5 notifications in my list>

i click on one of it

"Thank Lee Ruan, i see the dawn already"

it surprising me

thinking of yesterday, is our first conversation in our life

actually not the first time, but officially it is

we had been hang out together at MIST club last week

SingLing bring her and the other 2 friends

this girl surprise me on the club three times

first, she kissing on d other girl

second, she kiss again d girl

third, she kiss and kiss d girl again and again

she just look too high at the dance floor

in the conversation of us,

i feel she is talkactive, like to talk things

she is being a hard time recently

just broke with her boyfriend

trust is essential in a relationship, without the trust, hardly to hold the relationship of two

at least i believe on this

i guess, she need some time to settle down

and the reason of SingLing bring her along to join us in club

and i found that she is tough

haha it's my sixth sense again

i used to believe what i believe

how to say.. ignore this

she is an attractive girl, i guess she has lots of fans club members

wondering why would the guy will dump her

by the way, is not my business, not under my control xD

i tell her, does she watched "9 ku liong"

a hongkong series famous now, everyone is chasing this drama

"when the night dark, darkkkkkkkkk, darkkkkkkkkkkk, the darkest time,

there will be a dawn in the morning"

Yesterday night, i chat with her friend

don't know why her friend give her blog address to me

seriously, i like to read people blog

so i click on it

the time already 3am+

so i have no mood to read all these thing, so i tell her i would look at it when got free time

and today, i click on it

somehow, i saw it appear my name "乱“ on one of her posts

it this a coincidence? 

or she not even mention about me, is just another person

it's another surprise for me

she even mention about me if that fellow really is me before we know each other

that's funny, may be SingLing told her about me some jokes weeks ago

about my complementation over her

Well, talk about SingLing, a classmate of me

gone a tough time during last semester final exam, she broke with her ex-

i guess lot of friends talking to give up in this relationship,

the guy is sickening suck

again, "trust is essential in a relationship"

i believe it is really hard to maintain a trust in a relationship

i talked to her, in Melati Utama, at the final paper - PM I

i just hope she can be concentrate in the final exam

not thinking her ex- anymore

she is quite stubborn girl, even after so many people talked to her about this issue

she seem not giving up and wanted to face to face with her ex-

i told her, if you wanna do this, make sure u can bear the consequences

i support her to do what she wants to

she just want an answer, an answer which we all already know

but she hope this answer is from her ex- instead of us

Well.. case ended and wish her has a better life

still it's a surprising morning to me xD

Blog reader

i like read blog, i lazy to publish a post
if you wanna understand ones, the best way is to read her blog xD
"don't even say love me, if you wouldn't know anything about me"
read it from somewhere
Yes, seriously, this trend of LOVE always happen nowadays,
yea, i love you, cause you are pretty,
yea i love you, cause you are cutest girl
yea i love you, cause you have a fair skin
yea i love you, cause of ...

for me,
love ones, shall be without any reason,
yes i have crush on you, a sudden feeling pass over
there is no word to describe LOVE
if there is a reason, that surely is because I Love You

Love come easily, gone easily
Sigh, we can't even control over it
so what? if we can control it, this isn't a LOVE
Love happen in a minute, a second

She - could be listed as my new friend list
just know her for few days
seriously, i felt she is different
no matter how my friend comment over her
i do not care, being a friend of her, i never backstab her at the back
i would not be her friend merely depend on her appearance
actually, some childish will say
"Ruan, why are you got the special eyesight which different from us"
"Ruan, you crush on her? Oh my GOD"
hell no, no matter how hard you explain all these things,
they just judge on their own
well, i would not angry at this issue
may be i just don't know how to angry to my friends <LOL>

well, talking this friend,
i really only think to be her friend,
the excessive explanation will cause the excuses,
therefore, i never would explain on it
people knows me, they will understand,
people do not understand, what for i explain the jokes of the day

i read her blog, accidentally
it's so sentimental, even i just read one of all em'
i comment on it, hope she wouldn't mind
i not know anything about her, just being a friend,
i wish to care about her
may be i like to be a joker, to cherish all my friends when downtime
it's because i'm deathly need a friend to talk to whenever i was emotion
the same thing, she may need a person, a friend to talk to

Well, eventually we are human being,
there is a problem, there is a solution
God close one door, HE will open another door for you
nothing is dead end, except You, yourself do not believe there is a way to solve it

We should appreciate,
in the every morning, we open our eyes, we found that we still alive (很够夸张 hahaha xD)
Lastly, just wanna tell her, accept the good one, accept the worse one
there is no possible for a human just accept the happiness
since, without the sadness in our life, we will never know what we hold now is called HAPPINESS